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A… I… Get Off Of My Cloud

March 15, 2026
in Cycling
Reading Time: 11 mins read
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AI. It stands for “Synthetic Intelligence,” and everyone’s speaking about it. AI is poised to fully alter the way in which we predict, stay, breathe, knit child booties, educate ourselves to juggle, and subtly manipulate our family members by microdosing them with guilt. It’s additionally coming to professional biking to inform the riders what to do:

Okay, AI is one factor, however I used to be fascinated to study that Richard Plugge, supervisor of Workforce Visma-Lease a Bike, singlehandedly (singlefistedly?) launched professional biking to the fist bump:

“You recognize, I’m used to getting laughed at by individuals. I all the time snigger final,” says Richard Plugge, normal supervisor of Workforce Visma-Lease a Bike.

“I’ve seen it many instances that a couple of years later, or perhaps a few months later, individuals are adapting the identical issues we do. I’ll offer you one instance: we don’t shake fingers anymore within the Tour de France. We fist bump. Once we began that, individuals had been saying: ‘Haha, they’re loopy. However now everyone seems to be doing it.

Although proof exhibits fist-bumping within the Tour de France a minimum of way back to 2013:

cycling fist bump

Had been you supervisor of BMC in 2013? Had been you? Clarify that one, Plugge!

Subsequent you’ll declare you invented the Glasses Wipe:

Mark Cavendish St

Or the Bundle Presentation:

cavendish package

Or the Cellphone Name-Nipple Twiddle:

cavendish victory salute

However that was all Cav, child. All Cav.

Although now that I give it some thought, perhaps groups ought to use AI to plot inventive new victory salutes. Let’s give it a shot, lets?

a pro cyclist winning a bicycle race and doing a

Oy. The immediate was “A professional bicycle owner successful a bicycle race and doing a inventive and entertaining victory salute,” however there’s nothing notably inventive or entertaining about that one. By the way in which, it appears like AI-generated professional bicycle owner Marty Geka is carrying a Livestrong bracelet on his left wrist; both that or he was out parting the evening earlier than à la Jaques Anquetil and forgot to chop off the little bracelet that tells the bartender he’s sufficiently old to drink.

As for staff managers utilizing AI for different stuff in addition to victory salutes, I’m not laughing, as a result of it’s in all probability an excellent thought. Actually I occurred to be studying this story not too long ago, which exhibits the pitfalls of counting on a human to determine stuff out:

Screenshot 2026 03 11 094810

Wow. How does the USA lose at baseball to Italy? That’s like Italy shedding to the USA in consuming actually good delicacies and never working that onerous.

And sure, I notice the Italian baseball staff is principally a bunch of Individuals with Italian final names, however don’t overthink it.

As for biking, they’ll use AI to find out race techniques, which suggests directeur sportifs will quickly be capable of sit again in self-driving staff vehicles and let the computer systems do all of the work. That is particularly dangerous information for the French, as a result of an AI tactician might doubtlessly spell the tip for doomed Bastille Day solo breakwaways:

Examples embrace establishing whether or not to hitch a sure breakaway break, when to aim to kind echelons and cut up the peloton in crosswinds, or optimising the right timing for an assault.

“You may assault 80km earlier than the end line, be on the display and forward of the sport for the subsequent 10km, and even in the event you don’t win, everyone will say: ‘Oh, you probably did a fantastic race.’ However was it actually price it?

Then once more, perhaps the AI is programmed to think about sponsor publicity, and it’ll run a cost-benefit evaluation of some man you by no means heard of driving off the entrance for 3 hours, getting caught, and being spit out the again like yesterday’s Croque Monsieur.

After all, novice racers all the time copy the professionals, so I’m tempted to say that quickly they’ll all be driving with AI earpieces. Nonetheless, I’m undecided the expertise will carry over on this case, since 95% of Cat 4 races finish in a bunch dash the place half the sector proceeds to crash. Subsequently, any AI definitely worth the subscriber charge is simply going to inform you it’s not price it earlier than you possibly can even get your bib quick straps over your shoulder, and what novice racer goes to pay good cash to spoil the delusion?

Although apparently they’re already utilizing it to coach:

Screenshot 2026 03 11 104831

It sounds fairly helpful, too:

AI coaching apps, powered by massive language fashions (LLMs) or machine studying algorithms, course of information out of your wearable gadgets – coronary heart charge, sleep, energy output, HRV – to generate personalised coaching plans. The speculation is that these fashions, skilled on huge datasets, can spot patterns and alter your exercises accordingly. So, in case your sleep is poor and your coronary heart charge variability drops, the AI may downgrade your session to one thing simpler.

So it could actually inform you you’re drained. Wonderful.

It’s additionally out there to inform you that you just suck 24 hours a day:

Apps like Vekta hope to supply one thing coaches can’t: 24/7 availability. The platform will quickly go a step additional, introducing ‘Vekta Agent’ – an AI assistant to whom athletes can ask questions on their very own information, comparable to these surrounding sleep high quality or carbohydrate consumption. The imaginative and prescient is a round the clock partnership, the human coach and the AI assistant working in tandem.

In case your sleep high quality is poor right here’s a tip: cease calling your coach in the course of the evening with questions on your carbohydrate consumption.

Nonetheless, your pleasant neighborhood coach wish to remind you that it’s best to proceed paying a human anyway:

“Leisure cyclists threat changing into too reliant on AI, doubtlessly ignoring their physique’s emotions,” he says. “Over-dependence on tech can overshadow inner cues, intuitive coaching, and physique consciousness. Whereas AI provides helpful steering, a stability is essential.”

Yep, precise coaches are about to develop into the rim brake of coaching:

Screenshot 2026 03 11 105454

[But can AI scream at you to ride faster?]

A lot for that.

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