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Too Many Bikes

June 15, 2025
in Cycling
Reading Time: 15 mins read
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Are the mountain bikers lastly gone? Can we discuss them once more? Nice.

I’ve been using–and even racing–mountain bikes on trails for many years now, and but for some motive when mountain bikers come on my weblog they bro-splain to me that I’m not a mountain biker. That is odd, particularly when you think about that I’ve additionally been using–and even racing–highway bikes for many years now, and making glib and sarcastic statements about different individuals who do too, similar to I do about mountain bikers, and but no person has ever come on right here and accused me of not being a roadie. This alone would appear to be proof that for all of the accusations of snobbery which were heaped upon them over time, so-called “roadies” are merely higher folks. Ergo ispo facto any air of superiority a roadie might exude is due to this fact completely justified.

Anyway, aside from the web comportment of its practitioners, essentially the most annoying factor about mountain biking is the bikes. Not solely are they foolish and bouncy, however there are just too lots of them:

Pathetic. They don’t even have downcountry on there! And in case you’re questioning what a “downcountry” bike is, the reply is that I don’t know and I don’t care.

I’ll concede that the mountain bikers do have some extent, since if with the ability to parse the ten various kinds of mountain bikes (not together with downcountry bikes) is what makes you a mountain biker than I’m undoubtedly not a mountain biker. I DO NOT CARE ABOUT THESE DIFFERENT TYPES OF MOUNTAIN BIKES. From time to time on the Desert Hipster web site they get some man on there who writes 6,000 phrases on some Craftmatic adjustable mattress on wheels and the way it’s subtly totally different from another Craftmatic adjustable mattress on wheels that belongs in a completely totally different class as a result of it has 10mm much less journey, and by the third sentence my eyes glaze over and I begin studying one thing extra partaking as an alternative, like Ikea directions. Give me a easy bike that works on trails and can be good for using to the paths and that’s all of the mountain bike I actually need or want. (Although I’m not above throwing a 30 year-old twin suspension bike in THE CAR THAT I OWN every now and then.)

I suppose this is the reason I rode singlespeed mountain bikes just about solely for a few years. (Though they’re admittedly horrible for the “using to the paths” half.) There was a time after I did make a token effort to concentrate to these items, however then I began using a singlespeed and I checked out fully. Nonetheless, as I grinded away on my singlespeed, I used to be vaguely conscious that the kind of mountain bike I had been using was more and more considered as type of a specialty machine, or an “XC bike,” to differentiate it from the more and more motocross-like bikes that had been coming into style with the drive-to-the-ride set, like freeride bikes. (No matter occurred to these, anyway? I assume they simply broke that up into like sixteen new classes?) Certainly, after awhile it appeared just like the XC bike had gone so deeply out of style that you just solely noticed them in UCI races–although now they’re coming again, a minimum of in keeping with one publication:

Screenshot 2025 06 11 193703

Additional to yesterday’s discourse on normality, I assume we now have to elucidate what regular, non-watermelon-humping mountain biking is:

Cross-country mountain biking locations a higher emphasis on pace and distance, reasonably than steep and technical descents. Many XC programs and trails function undulating terrain, a mixture of technical climbs and descents, steep corners, and flatter sections that require cardiovascular health and endurance. Not like downhill mountain biking, which is primarily characterised by jumps, steep sections, rock and root gardens, and different options that require extra complicated technical descending skills, XC combines a various vary of path options and circumstances.

However after all they solely like XC bikes as a result of they’re turning into extra like watermelon-humping bikes:

As cross-country programs grow to be extra aggressive, World Cup execs go for 4-piston brakes, 2.4” tires, and full-sized dropper posts. This development within the sport calls for extra from the bikes and parts. On account of this demand, XC is slowly turning into extra aligned with path using, and I feel it’s improbable.

So in order for you what an XC bike was (which was primarily a traditional mountain bike for regular mountain biking) you need to get a gravel bike pricey god simply kill me now:

Screenshot 2025 06 11 194815

See, you need to go “farther and sooner” on unpaved surfaces, proper? What was completely enough just some years in the past is now thought of “underbiking.” (DEAR LOB I HATE THAT TERM.) Meaning on the very least you want twin suspension.

Perhaps subsequent they need to put flat bars on it for higher management on technical terrain, then they’ll actually be onto one thing. The might name it a “mountain bike.” And the cycle shall start anew. It’s the large bang and the large crunch, over and again and again.

Not that highway bikes are any totally different as of late. We’ve obtained a minimum of 4 totally different sorts:

hqdefault

Sorry, make that six:

Wait, sorry, it’s eight:

types of road bikes full size

You already know, you may simply knock out all these classes with simply three bikes:

Screenshot 2025 06 11 221025

And even that’s being beneficiant.

Is it any shock I discover myself wanting wistfully into the previous? After I was on the Marin Museum of Bicycling just lately, Grant Petersen loaded me up with some classic periodicals:

IMG 0108

Nowadays it appears you’re beset by watermelon-humpers from all sides, so it’s refreshing to move your self to a time when bunnyhopping was thought of “superior method,” advertisements touted “peace within the wilds” and “the supreme satisfaction of self achievement” as an alternative of motors, and debates raged over toe clips vs. bear traps, or right-front vs. left-front braking:

IMG 0109

After I did the cylocrossing I used to set my bikes up with right-front braking, however not for any of the explanations beneath:

IMG 0110

Reasonably, I did so as a result of I used to be advised by somebody very sensible that whenever you dismount the bike from the left, if it’s essential modulate your pace you naturally achieve this with the left-hand brake lever, and also you don’t need that activating the entrance brake as a result of in case you do this and the bike’s unweighted it’s simple for the rear wheel to pop up.

I used to be by no means practically aggressive sufficient for this to show essential in follow (whenever you’ve already been lapped does it actually matter?), however I set my bikes up that manner anyway as a result of that’s the way you had been purported to do it, and the profit is that right now I actually don’t have a lot bother switching between bikes with right-front braking and left-front braking as a result of they each appear pretty regular to me.

I might additionally bunny-hop respectably in my BMX days, too–although I doubt I might have cleared a sawhorse.

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