Caught In The Act

So are these one-wheel Rosey the Robotic issues the brand new bike? More and more, I’m inclined to say sure. Or no less than perhaps:

In that case, I’m trying ahead the “Straightforward Rider” remake:

I instructed the AI to make a picture of “The film ‘Straightforward Rider’ however with electrical unicycles,” however clearly it doesn’t perceive what a unicycle is, neither is it clever sufficient to provide you with the tagline “Half as many wheels however twice as a lot enjoyable”–and boy was “Straightforward Rider” enjoyable!

Talking of being born to be wild, this rider’s bicycle was geared up with a high-decibel pulsing digital “horn” that appeared like some type of laser blaster from a classic science fiction film:

He fired it at a pedestrian who had the temerity to be standing in his means as he ran a pink mild, each scaring the crap out of the pedestrian and cementing his personal fame as essentially the most badass hybrid rider in all of New York Metropolis.

However has he mastered the Artwork of Dad?

I’ve at all times thought paying the state extra cash to only to place an inscrutable message in your license plate is just a little foolish, although I admit I’m form of tempted to get one thing like this:

And whereas I’ve by no means come throughout a real-life ASSMAN…

…I’ve been in shut proximity to DUHLADY:

Undecided if the motive force signifies that within the boastful “I’m the woman” sense or within the exasperated “Duh, woman…” sense.

In the meantime, north of the town, proud Marinoni rider Some Man From Upstate informs me that the “Blue Mountain Bandit” has been apprehended:

I didn’t even know there was a Blue Mountain Bandit, however apparently he was sabotaging the paths at (you guessed it) Blue Mountain, and I’m glad they bought him. Blue Mountain Reservation is without doubt one of the higher mountain biking locations within the larger metropolitan space, although it’s been fairly awhile since I’ve been there as I typically go for locations which might be just a little simpler and just a little nearer. Anyway, right here’s a shot of the Blue Mountain Bandit lazily overlaying his handiwork with some lifeless leaves like a canine half-heartedly burying its poop:

And right here’s a nonetheless from a few of the “B-roll” the native information affiliate will need to have taken from YouTube or one thing:

“Hyyyeeaaahh!!!,” the rider is screaming for some cause.

By the way in which, mountain bike dirtbags, you’d do properly to take just a few cues from Westchester Mountain Biking Affiliation’s Sam Lee, who confirmed up for the interview with a crisp, clear shirt and a pleasant haircut as a substitute of cargo shorts, three days’ facial hair development, and a beer-themed t-shirt like most of you mountain bike bros would:

See, I’d let this man construct a path in my municipality, as a result of he evokes belief and confidence.

Anyway, apparently riders had been discovering tree limbs strewn throughout a downhill run, main them to conclude that “this isn’t a pure sample:”

At first they suspected aliens:

Although WMBA put in cameras and caught 44 year-old Jeffrey Jarvis within the act.

Jarvis’s next-door neighbor Maximo can’t consider it, however to be honest I think “Whoah” is his default response to just about all the things:

Anyway, you’ll be happy to know Jeffrey Jarvis has been charged with prison nuisance and 2nd diploma mellow-harshing.

Properly accomplished, Jeffrey.