From Outlaw Biking to Out of doors Furnishings

So the opposite day I posted about fellow growing old bike Web persona Lucas Brunelle, after which yesterday the YouTubes served me this:

Oh, Lucas.

Lucas, Lucas, Lucas.

To start with, with all due respect, from one growing old rider to a different, you’re like 75 years outdated. What the hell are you doing together with your levers?

Look, I get it, slim bars and turned-in levers are presently modern amongst roadies. However don’t attempt to copy the youngsters. You’re sufficiently old to know that from about 1998 to love 2010 or thereabouts, highway racing handlebar setups truly made sense–you used bars that have been a centimeter or two wider than what individuals have been driving within the downtube shifter days, which gave you additional stability and leverage. And naturally you oriented your levers roughly parallel to one another and never all cockeyed like Señor Hacer de Manos right here:

Now everybody’s driving teeny bars and turning their levers in. Positive. Once more, if the kiddies wish to do this as a result of it makes them barely extra aero no matter then good for them. However for chrissakes, you’re an excellent grandfather! Do you shrink the font dimension in your e-reader as you become older? No you don’t! Then why would you deliberately make your bike harder to trip? So you’ll be able to lay it down making a totally abnormal left-hand activate a suburban highway?

Why the hell is the godfather of outlaw biking movies, who has chased a number of the world’s craziest cyclists by way of a number of the world’s craziest streets, wiping out on the entrance to an outside furnishings retailer on a solo trip?

I imply positive, they do have all the pieces you want on your outside dwelling space, however nonetheless:

And advantageous, there was slightly little bit of gravel:

However that will not have been an issue if solely he’d been driving an age-appropriate bicycle as an alternative of this…factor:

Significantly, levers apart, an 86 year-old man shouldn’t have a saddle-to-bar drop like that. Everybody is aware of that the decrease your balls grasp the upper your bars needs to be. Good grief Lucas, you ought to be monitoring the speed of enhance of your scranus-to-testicle differential carefully at your age and elevating your bars inversely, I believed this widespread information!

[A bike fitting expert monitors an aging rider’s “pants yabbies” and their inexorable migration floorward.]

Why do you suppose Ol’ Man Branson switched to flat bars?

[Branson’s hang so low he gets road rash on his scrotum.]

Sadly Lucas is just not listening to the universe, which is telling him in no unsure phrases to Simply Purchase A Rivendell Already. As an alternative he tries to show his crash right into a educating second and offers the world’s worst lesson in turning, slicing heedlessly throughout two lanes of site visitors:

Why does he provoke his left turns from the far proper aspect of the highway as an alternative of transferring over to the left first?

Was he simply driving alongside when he was all of a sudden overcome by an intense need for a brand new patio eating set?

Appears to me he needs to be getting in on the Platypus presale as an alternative.